With all the clashing family commitments, the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time in any household. If the children are splitting their time between two parents, it can add more stress. There is no hard and fast rule about how the holidays should be divided, and the best solution will depend on the circumstances for your family. Particularly if this is the first Christmas that their parents won’t be together, it is going to be hard for the children. Here are our top points to keep in mind to help things run smoothly.
Think Ahead and Communicate
Talk to your relatives, the children and your ex so that everyone knows what to expect as early as possible. Knowing when they are going where, and that the decisions have been taken out of their hands will help the children be at ease. They should not bear any responsibility for how either parent feels about the arrangements.
Co-ordinate
If communication is not great between you and your ex, or your ex and the children, it is so easy to run into difficulties with duplicated presents, or Christmas lunches, all of which puts the children in the middle of a conflict, and is upsetting. You can make things run more smoothly by discussing between you who will get the children what presents, or do which activities. Avoid the temptation to try and out-do the other parent, it is not a competition, and if you make it one, it is only the children who end up losing. If the other parent is not great at buying the right things, or cooking the right food, let them know what would help to keep the children happy.
Focus
There are so many competing pressures around Christmas. Keep focus on- what is best for the children, and least pressured. Others may have to take a backseat, even if it means the kids missing a school event or a friend’s party. Sticking to clear arrangements with the parents will ultimately give the children security and reduce tension between you and your ex.
Be Generous
It’s that time of year, but often a small gesture goes a long way. Make sure the children have a present for the other parent and their family members. Whatever your feelings are about them, it is an easy opportunity to smooth over difficulties which might have arisen in the past year and the children will be saved the awkwardness of being empty-handed.
Treat Yourself
If you are going to have some time alone over Christmas while the children are with their other parent then make sure that you are supported by friends and family if you are going to find it hard, or use the time out to really unwind or do something you didn’t have the time to do during the year. The children will find it easier to move between parents if they know the parent they are leaving is going to have a good time.