We are often asked if it is possible to prevent a parent from introducing a new partner to their children. Understandably, it can be very difficult for the other parent to accept that their children will have a new person in their lives.
However, provided the welfare of the child is not at risk, the court would likely consider that the parent who wishes to introduce their new partner should be able to determine who is and isn’t appropriate to spend time with the child.
The family lawyers at Nockolds are all members of Resolution, which is a network of family lawyers and other professionals who attempt to resolve family disputes as amicably as possibly, and put the best interests of children first. Resolution has some helpful guidance for the introduction of new partners:
If you are the parent that is concerned about the introduction of your ex’s new partner:
- Try to remember that the bond that your children have with you is irreplaceable
- Try not to turn the new partner into the ‘wicked step-parent’. This may cause the child to feel anxious about spending time with that person, or worry about their parent living with their new partner
- Don’t coach your child not to like the new partner. This could cause the child to feel that they have to take sides
- Try to discuss and agree in advance with your ex how you will each introduce new partners to the child. It might be helpful to agree that you will each meet the other’s new partner before they are introduced to the child.
If you are the parent who wishes to introduce your new partner:
- Consider the timing of the introduction. Too soon might not give the child enough time to deal with the separation of their parents. However, preventing a child from meeting a new partner (when they are aware of their existence) may create problems later on
- Give the child time. It may take them time to accept that you have a new partner, and/or that you are no longer in a relationship with their other parent. It can be counter-productive to force a new partner on a child and they may not initially feel the same way about your new partner that you do
- Remember that your child may worry that the new partner will replace them in your life. A child may not understand the complexity of adult relationships. Reassure them that you love them, and that your relationship with them will not be affected by the new relationship
- A child may feel resentful if their time with you is shared with the new partner. Try to spend time alone with the child, and allow them time to accept that the relationship between their parents has broken down, before introducing a new partner. Ensure that your new partner is not always present when you spend time with the child.
If you are the new partner:
- If your partner’s ex is being resentful to you, try to understand why they are acting that way and do not retaliate. They need time to accept the breakdown of their relationship, and the introduction of a new person into their ex’s and child’s lives
- The child may also not be ready for their parent to enter into a new relationship. Try to be patient
- The child may feel that you have or will replace them. Try to reassure them that their parents love them
- It may be helpful to establish some ground rules with your partner e.g. what the child will call you, if and how to discipline the child
- Encourage your partner to have a good co-parenting relationship with their ex. A poor relationship will have a detrimental effect on all of you.
More helpful guidance can be found on the Resolution website.